One good reason to only maintain a small circle of friends is that three out of four murders are committed by people who know the victim. George Carlin, 51. We hope these George Carlin quotes on life, religion and government will make you smile as well as share some important facts with you. Press Enter / Return to begin your search. George Carlin, Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist.George Carlin, I, myself, have killed six people. My first rule: I don't believe anything the government tells me. //]]> I like it when a flower or a little tuft of grass grows through a crack in the concrete. If you vote and you elect dishonest, incompetent people into office who screw everything up, you are responsible for what they have done. And if you do any of these things, he will send you to a special place, of burning and fire and smoke and torture and anguish for you to live forever, and suffer, and suffer, and burn, and scream, until the end of time. But there is an I in independence, individuality, and integrity. We dont even know how to take care of ourselves; we havent learned how to care for one another. ' George Carlin, 30. If the parent corporation doesnt want you to know something, it wont be on the news. The politicians are put there to give you the idea that you have freedom of choice. " George Carlin 15. George Carlin was one of the most iconic comedians of all time and he had a lot to say about government. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid." George Carlin "Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity." George Carlin Some people have no idea what they're doing, and a lot of them are really good at it. Some people have no idea what theyre doing, and a lot of them are really good at it. George Carlin, 42. When you have to wait a year to sleep next to a tree, something is wrong.George Carlin, I dont have to tell you it goes without saying there are some things better left unsaid. Governments dont want a population capable of critical thinking, they want obedient workers, people just smart enough to run the machines and just dumb enough to passively accept their situation. To me, authority is something that a freer spirit, a more independent mind, and a person who can handle the world, doesnt need guidance from. But did you ever notice that we have no war on homelessness? #government. [CDATA[ So, I dislike and despise groups of people but I love individuals. The real reason that we cant have the Ten Commandments in a courthouse: You cannot post Thou shalt not steal, Thou shalt not commit adultery, and Thou shalt not lie in a building full of lawyers, judges, and politicians. } Everybodys going to save something now. I enjoy describing how things are, I have no interest in how they ought to be. And I certainly have no interest in fixing them. var googletag = googletag || {}; Because you have the illusion of choice! George Carlin, 76. Period. "Those who dance are considered insane by those who cannot hear the music." - George Carlin 4. 2. You get kicked out when youre too young, you get a gold watch, you go to work. Your cat thinks the dog's an asshole. //]]> Comedian They will only bring you down to their level and beat you with experience. George Carlin, 2. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid.George Carlin,When Will Jesus Bring The Pork Chops? People forget there is such a thing as memory, and that when a wound heals it leaves a permanent scar that never goes away, but merely fades a little. I love and treasure individuals as I meet them, I loathe and despise the groups they identify with and belong to.George Carlin,Brain Droppings, THINGS YOU NEVER HEAR: Please stop sucking my dick or Ill call the police. George Carlin,Brain Droppings, Some people have no idea what theyre doing, and a lot of them are really good at it.George Carlin, Some people see things that are and ask, Why?Some people dream of things that never were and ask, Why not?Some people have to go to work and dont have time for all that.George Carlin, Meow means woof in cat.George Carlin. g.parentNode.insertBefore(A, g) By and large, language is a tool for concealing the truth. George Carlin, 10. An example of data being processed may be a unique identifier stored in a cookie. Carlin was known for his dark comedy and reflections on politics, religion, psychology, language and taboo subjects. I hate a group of people with a common purpose. A.src = t; document.getElementsByTagName("head")[0].appendChild(stylesheet); 3140. All the media and the politicians ever talk about is things that separate us, things that make us different from one another. George Carlin, 69. When Thomas Edison worked late into the night on the electric light, he had to do it by gas lamp or candle. Im not sure thats the way to fight discrimination. Death is caused by swallowing small amounts of saliva over a long period of time. } Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups. Lets get started! Weve added years to life, not life to years. In fact, George Carlin had some pretty interesting things to say about government. George Carlin quotes on the American government In America, anyone can become president. 2023 Inspirationfeed. Weve learned how to make a living but not a life. Every now and then you find yourself in a different place. Keep in mind, the news media are not independent; they are a sort of bulletin board and public relations firm for the ruling class-the people who run things. Well, we know what they want. "ObfuscatedMarketplaceId": "A1PQBFHBHS6YH1" We talk too much, love too seldom, and hate too often. Share your thoughts in the comments below! We cut education, in 50 years, well be so stack with idiots with shitty jobs that we wont have enough money to pay for defense! George Carlin, 85. My first rule: I don't believe anything the government tells me. Inspirational George Carlin Quotes 1. He loves you and he needs money. George Carlin. "ebfg_email", "ebfg_sms"]; Life gets really simple once you cut out all the bullshit they teach you in school. There is a mistake in the text of this quote. fetchBids: function() { _Q: [] he must of been a brilliant man mostly misunderstood by most people wish i would of met him in person one on one, 51 Best John Muir Quotes On Nature, Mountains, Trees, 50 To Kill A Mockingbird Atticus Quotes With Page Numbers, Happy Birthday Nephew Images With Quotes, Wishes, Messages, Happy Birthday Daughter Images With Quotes, Wishes, Messages, Good Morning Happy Monday Images With Quotes, Wishes, Cute & Romantic Happy Birthday Love Images For Him, Her, Happy Birthday Dog Images With Quotes For Your Puppy, Happy Birthday Niece Images With Wishes, Messages, Quotes, Depression Quotes Images | Feeling Sad Pictures, Wallpaper, Happy Birthday Son Images With Quotes, Wishes, Messages, Happy Birthday Husband Images With Quotes, Wishes, Messages For Hubby, Good Morning Quotes Images To Make Your Day Beautiful. Laugh until you gasp for breath." - George Carlin 3. George Carlin. A flag is supposed to represent everything that a country does. Governments don't want a population capable of critical thinking, they want obedient workers, people just smart enough to run the machines and just dumb enough to passively accept their situation.You have no choice. That's the problem. I think that speaks for itself. After all, he was one of the most successful comedians of all time! His critical thinking shines on stage and opens your eyes to modern-day problems that most folks are oblivious to. Famous quotes on life, death, politics and of course the American government. How are YOU going to tackle today? Were gonna save the fuckin planet? And, by the way, theres nothing wrong with the planet in the first place. BAM! To view the purposes they believe they have legitimate interest for, or to object to this data processing use the vendor list link below. And fight songs. Ever. George Carlin political quotes may seem sensitive, but they inspire necessary conversations. }; Dont sweat the petty things and dont pet the sweaty things. George Carlin, 19. The reason I talk to myself is because Im the only one whose answers I accept. A Death! Some people see things that are and ask, Why? apstag.init({ Did you ever stop to think about all the people we kill? If you cant beat them, arrange to have them beaten. The challenge is to find it. Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac? Those who decide what news you will or will not hear are paid by, and tolerated purely at the whim of, those who hold economic power. Trying to be happy by accumulating possessions is like trying to satisfy hunger by taping sandwiches all over your body. George Carlin, 45. The politicians are put there to give you the idea that you have freedom of choice., Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups., If churches want to play the game of politics, let them pay admission like everyone else., Political correctness cripples discourse, creates ugly language and is generally stupid., Bipartisan usually means that a larger-than-usual deception is being carried out., When I hear a person talking about political solutions, I know I am not listening to a serious person., If you have selfish, ignorant citizens, youre gonna get selfish, ignorant leaders., If you have selfish and ignorant citizens then you too will become a selfish and bad leader.. It doesnt only represent the good things. Its never just a game when youre winning.George Carlin, If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrheadoes that mean that 1 enjoys it?George Carlin, Isnt it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do practice?George Carlin, Religion is like a pair of shoes..Find one that fits for you, but dont make me wear your shoes.George Carlin, Religion is just mind control. q("f", arguments) var isRetina = window.devicePixelRatio >= 2; // retina display Please dont forget to subscribe to ourRSS-feedor followInspirationfeedonTwitter,Google+,andFacebook! And armbands. They own all the important land. If viewers had discretion, most television shows would not be on the air. George Carlin, 54. When you're born in America, you get a front row seat. And when you suspend your individual beauty you also give up a lot of your humanity. George Carlin "The planet is fine. This video is an ideal way to start your day off on a funny and thought provoking note and stay inspired through. But there is an I in independence, individuality and integrity.George Carlin, Some people see the glass half full. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day. You have owners. George Carlin, 84. So, we must be clear about our expectations for government and its role in our lives. Looking for the best George Carlin quotes? Men are from Earth, women are from Earth. They should be more vivid. When you're born you get a ticket to the freak show. Keep em showing up at those jobs. George Carlin, 81. //]]> George Denis Patrick Carlin was born on May 12, 1937, was an Americanstand-up comedian, actor, social critic, and author. }()); Save my name, email, and website in this browser for the next time I comment. Theres only the immediate future and the recent past. George Carlin, There are nights when the wolves are silent and only the moon howls. George Carlin, The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live. George Carlin, Honesty may be the best policy, but its important to remember that apparently, by elimination, dishonesty is the second-best policy. George Carlin. Resources. Electricity is really just organized lightning. George Carlin, 20. When you step on the brakes, your life is in your foots hands. The middle class pays all of the taxis, does all of the work. Its all very confusing.George Carlin, People are wonderful. Have you ever wondered why Republicans are so interested in encouraging people to volunteer in their communities? if (window.ue && window.ue.tag) { window.ue.tag('author:quotes:signed_out', ue.main_scope);window.ue.tag('author:quotes:signed_out:mobileWeb', ue.main_scope); } It will not be with jack-boots. Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.. Hes not a cheese. Good, honest, hard-working people: white collar, blue collar, it doesn't matter what color shirt you have on. The less said about it the better. George Carlin,Brain Droppings, Catholic, which I was until I reached the age of reasonGeorge Carlin, They say that instead of cursing the darkness, one should light a candle. Most people with low self-esteem have earned it. George Carlin, 29. This is what we have to offer. 4. How is it possible to have a civil war?George Carlin, When I ask how old your toddler is, I dont need to hear 27 months. Hes two will do just fine. Igor is a SEO specialist, designer, and freelance writer. The real reason that we cant have the Ten Commandments in a courthouse: You cannot post Thou shalt not steal, Thou shalt not commit adultery, and Thou shalt not lie in a building full of lawyers, judges, and politicians. Others see it half empty.I see a glass thats twice as big as it needs to be.George Carlin, Tell people theres an invisible man in the sky who created the universe, and the vast majority will believe you. the important thing is to, first of all, question everything you read or hear or see or are told. Its never just a game when youre winning. George Carlin, 7. Tax them. function isShowingBuyableFeatures() { "CacheDetection.RequestID": "RW7VD4AVX1H9239WWVVN", A house is just a place to keep your stuff while you go out and get more stuff. Seems like a big waste of time to me! Creative Commons. As for the poor, they tell us theyve lost all incentive because weve given them too much money. When you are born, you get a ticket to the freak show. Religion class was always an easy class. I often warn people: Somewhere along the way, someone is going to tell you, There is no I in team. What you should tell them is, Maybe not. If you can connect with theseGeorge Carlin quotes, subscribe to our blog so that you dont miss a single post. In this article, we present to you some of the famous George Carlin Quotes on Government, Marriage, Love, Life, Religion, Death, Voting, Freedom, Politics and More with their meaning. We have the war on crime, the war on cancer, the war on drugs. Who the fuck is going to invade the US? gads.src = (useSSL ? My first rule: I don't believe anything the government tells me. I think the life cycle is all backwards. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Its totally FREE. there's no such thing as rights. "Everyone smiles in the same language." ~ (George Carlin). If work is so terrific, how come they have to pay you to do it? "Government want to tell you things you can't say because they're against the law, or you can't say this because it's against a regulation, or here's something you can't say because its a.secret; "You can't tell him that because he's not cleared to know that." Government wants to control information and control . if (sourcesToHideBuyFeatures[i] == source) The IQ and the life expectancy of the average American recently passed each other in opposite directions. George Carlin, 87. I mean, life is tough. Let me know in the comments below and please share this post. They own, and control the corporations. One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor. George Carlin, 49. When fascism comes to America, it will not be in brown and black shirts. a[a9] = { I think the warning labels on alcoholic beverages are too bland. }); The poor are just there just to scare the shit out of the middle class. var url; } George Carlin, Dont just teach your children to readTeach them to question what they read.Teach them to question everything.George Carlin, How can He be perfect? You know why? Do share your thoughts with us in the comment section and tell us which one was your favoriteGeorge Carlin quotesor if you want to ask any questions or have any query send them viaContact Us. })(); I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, Wheres the self-help section? She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose. Just cause you got the monkey off your back doesnt mean the circus has left town. George Carlin, 23. Whether you agree with him or not, George Carlins views on government are definitely worth considering. When youre born you get a ticket to the freak show. Its a great feeling. Thank you! If it requires a uniform, its a worthless endeavor. George Carlin, 11. He is a sucker for good coffee, Indian food, and video games. When he is not writing in his favorite coffee shop, Igor spends most of his time reading, traveling, producing house music, and capturing light with his camera. If holy people are so interested in politics, government, and public policy, let them pay the price of admission like everybody else. Trouble is, most of them suck. - George Carlin profile quotes. The Catholic Church alone could wipe out the national debt if all you did was tax their real estate.George Carlin, In America, anyone can become president. Whether we agreed with his acerbiccommentary or not, his words always reminded us of how sharp a weapon humor can be in slicing through the surface of our assumptions and leaving us, as he would say, gasping for breath.. Life is not measured by the number of breath we take, but by the moments that take our breath away. setDisplayBids: function() {}, Disclaimer: As an Amazon Associate We earn from qualifying purchases. So arrogant. George Carlin has many famous quotes about government, education and the American dream that are often referenced as truth. Save the planet? 3. Its important in life if you dont give a shit. - George Carlin profile quotes. If no one knows when a person is going to die, how can we say he died prematurely? Enjoy! The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live. George Carlin, 46. function getCookieWithoutJQuery(name) { Everyone should try to scratch their name on the bomb of life. George Carlin, 5. You have no choice. They will do anything for the unborn. } var e = document.createElement("script"); e.src = "https://m.media-amazon.com/images/I/41mrkPcyPwL.js"; document.head.appendChild(e); Think of how stupid the average person is, and then realize that half of them are stupider than that. , We all need to let loose and laugh at things once in a while and making other people laugh as well as think and find meaning behind your jokes is an exceptional talent George Carlin has. Required fields are marked *. He was an American standup comedian. ' George Carlin, 56. var cookiePair = cookie.split('='); I started this website because I wanted to help people like you to maximize their potential and achieve their dreams. }("apstag", window, document, "script", "//c.amazon-adsystem.com/aax2/apstag.js"); "Forget the politicians. Period. " George Carlin googletag.pubads().setTargeting("surface", "mw"); Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away. George Carlin, 9. Apparently, were not ready for that! George Carlin, 72. A person of good intelligence and of sensitivity cannot exist in this society very long without having some anger about the inequality and its not just a bleeding-heart, knee-jerk, liberal kind of a thing it is just a normal human reaction to a nonsensical set of values where we have cinnamon flavored dental floss and there are people sleeping in the street. George Carlin, 68. Tell them what you've painted is wet, they have to touch it to believe. The planet is fine. Theres no present. 383 talking about this. "Governments don't want a population capable of critical thinking, they want obedient workers, people just smart enough to run the machines and just dumb enough to passively accept their situation." George Carlin Read more quotes from George Carlin Share this quote: Like Quote Recommend to friends Friends Who Liked This Quote The people are fucked. George Carlin, May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house. George Carlin, Some people have no idea what theyre doing, and a lot of them are really good at it. George Carlin, Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity. George Carlin, We have multiplied our possessions but reduced our values.